RepartneringTABLE OF CONTENTS | MAP | CSA HOME Money mattersKey issues
Myths
Background notes A shortage of money can be a real issue in the new, repartnered family. There may be real and perceived inequities in the repartnered family income. For example, in a repartnered family where both partners are parents of children from a previous relationship, one partner may receive little or no maintenance/child support from their ex-spouse while the other partner is committed to paying a relatively large sum of maintenance to their ex-partner. Both new partners may be paying child support and their issue will be how to start their own family on depleted finances. The financial situation is so tight for some people they may see no possibility of being able to have children with their new partner. Repartnered families may have to accommodate children who usually live in the household as well as children who visit. Then there are fluctuating expenses such as transport, food, clothing and entertainment. Household budgeting can be difficult as people try to meet the needs of more children. There is the additional stress of the expectations of financial and lending institutions, which have strict guidelines on loans for houses and cars. These organisations are often not flexible or accommodating about the uncertainty of the household budget (such as clothing expenses or grocery bills that fluctuate depending on where children live at different times of the year). Nor are they structured to understand the complex financial incomings and outgoings of the repartnered family budget, including maintenance/child support income, Centrelink assistance, one-off or special financial support from ex-partners for children or any regular salary/wages payment. If either partner has their own business, this equation becomes even more complex. In addition to these expenses are the changing life circumstances of returning to the workforce, moving house to accommodate more children and changing or obtaining work. Facts about families and money Following separation, children reside with their mothers in 87% of families, and with their fathers in 13% of families (ABS, 1997). This means the father is usually the parent liable to pay child support. Nearly three quarters (74%) of these fathers and just over half (54%) of mothers eventually repartner (McDonald, 1993). Forty-one percent of families with a biological parent living elsewhere do not receive any child support (ABS, 1997). The importance of financial support for children in repartnered families is highlighted by the fact that, in 1997, one in three marriages in Australia was a remarriage (ABS, 1999). Forty percent of women and 39 percent of men who remarry have children under 16 years of age from a previous marriage (ABS, 1999). These figures do not include de facto relationships. Adults The new couple will need to talk about their values, priorities and commitments as a basis for deciding how to manage their money. Discussions will be guided by original family experiences and the couples' experiences in other relationships. Issues that need to be considered:
A parent's residence or contact with their children determines their eligibility or liability for child support. The reality, according to the statistics, is that the majority of fathers who repartner will be contact parents and therefore liable to pay child support, whereas most mothers will have children living with them and will be eligible to receive child support. Child support may be reduced if parents share care of their children equally, or where one parent has substantial contact with a child. Government agencies such as centrelink and CSA have a range of payments and services to suit a variety of family situations. There are a variety of flexible choices available to parents in the way that they pay and receive child support. Where possible, parents are encouraged to work together to manage their child support responsibilities. Parents can arrange to make their own private child support arrangements or seek guidance from CSA. These private arrangements can be spoken or written. They can cover the amount of child support agreed on and how and when it is paid. A parent's right to agree on amounts of child support is limited if the carer parent is receiving Centrelink benefits. CSA can advise on how to organise private arrangements or provide a number of options that best suit individual circumstances. Even if the amount of child support is set by CSA or by the courts, parents are encouraged to make payment arrangements that suit them both without going through CSA. If private payments are not a suitable choice then appropriate collection by CSA can be arranged. Repartnering often increases the level of dissatisfaction about financial arrangements between ex-partners, as one parent adopts changed priorities and new commitments. A parent is responsible for supporting his or her natural children, whether or not they live in the same household. Some may feel 'squeezed' and pressured by the demands this imposes. For some families it means a reduced standard of living, and a need for the new partners to negotiate who will pay and/or be responsible for what. Fathers may feel a tension between continuing to share the cost of raising children from their previous relationship and their commitment to starting a new family. Feelings of resentment can be strong if financial commitment to the first family means the new family misses out. This can lead to putting off the decision to have children. The arrival of a new child can cause an increased awareness of and a resentment about, money 'going out', at the very time when there is usually less money coming in. This situation is even more difficult when a step-parent is paying for their children who do not live in the repartnered family, or where no money is coming in from the biological parent of the other stepchildren. When CSA is involved, it looks at a number of factors to determine how much child support should be paid. If any of these factors change, it may mean that the child support needs to be recalculated. If circumstances change, parents may be collecting or paying the wrong amount of child support. Parents paying child support through CSA may also be accumulating an unnecessary debt if CSA has not been notified of any change in circumstances. CSA provides a number of services that support parents in working through options to reflect their change in circumstances. A booklet titled Me and My Money (PDF 691k) is available from local financial counsellors or by calling CSA. The book is intended to help parents take steps to control and stay in control of their financial situations. CSA has a range of services and information products available to help separated parents manage their child support responsibilities. Some of these services include arranging things so that parents can agree to make payments to a third party for items such as school fees, non-cash payments in lieu of child support, or prescribed payments (prescribed by law) such as child care costs can be credited as a child support payment. Parents should discuss their different circumstances and possible options with CSA before making any arrangements for paying and receiving child support. It annoys Mike when his ex complains about not having enough money. He says, 'Don't worry about the money. I'm happy to have Josh full-time. I'll sort out the money myself. It will be a real struggle because Megan (his new partner) isn't working now that we've got our new baby, but I don't care how much it costs. I just want my kid.' Some parents become very angry with arrangements when they are suffering financial hardships. This is particularly common when the ex-partner perceives the other parent as being comfortable financially. When feeling 'trapped by the system' some parents believe the only solution to their problem is to stop working and receive a government benefit. There are other solutions, local services and support groups in the community (particularly for fathers in this situation), that offer practical guidance and strategies for managing money and emotions. Placing emphasis on the child's welfare rather than on perceptions of unfairness is helpful and necessary when working with people in these situations. 'The other day my four-year old son said to me 'Mummy says I can't have new skates because you don't give her enough money.' After that I couldn't do anything right for the whole visit. I get so wild that she uses him to get at me. I try not to show it, but I feel like punching walls. 'Resolving these money issues is enough to test even the most committed couple and the most competent problem solvers. It is even more difficult when child support is used to play-out other unresolved conflicts from the past relationship.' Unfortunately everyone loses from such battles, especially the children. Mediation services can help people sort out these issues. Mediation offers cooperative problem solving and decision-making and a trained mediator helps people discuss issues so that they can find some answers. Often the new partner is the first to be aware that necessary financial decisions made earlier have an emotional impact on the relationship and the whole family. Decisions such as: to live in the marital home and to keep the former marital bed. It helps to acknowledge this from all points of view since everyone is likely to be uncomfortable and/or resentful about it, even though they know it has to be that way. In the situation when a former partner has died, there may be resistance and reluctance to adjust to change in the family. In these circumstances, it can be particularly difficult for a new partner. It is also difficult for childless partners who join men or women with either residential or non-residential children. Resentment can also develop where there are expectations about how, or indeed whether, the step-parent contributes financially to the stepchildren. Children Children are sensitive to the emotional impact of financial conflict between their parents, and between their biological parent and step-parent. Children may experience difficulties in adjusting to the differences that exist in the two households of which they are members. These differences are likely to include
Likely differences, inevitably perceived as
'Children can feel like pawns in a money game where parents have ongoing disputes about money.' They may learn to play the game themselves, for example, playing one parent off against the other, about pocket money, clothes or outings. Older children may also change residence from time-to-time and this affects household budgets, parenting agreements and financial planning. Frequent reviews of financial arrangements are usually needed. For this reason it is important to establish constructive and non-emotional ways of raising, discussing and meeting changes related to money matters. Extended family When there are financial difficulties, grandparents and other members of the extended family may be asked to contribute financially to the support of the children. The willingness of members of the extended family to provide money is dependant on many factors including:
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