Engaging men in groups

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It is well known that men are less likely than women to seek professional advice on personal issues, use relationship education or counselling services.

Men are also generally:

• less likely than women to initiate separation and divorce
• more likely to be adversely affected after separation, and for longer
• more likely to become disengaged from their children after separation
• less likely to be granted residency with their children
• as committed as women to developing and maintaining strong relationships with their children
• need assistance in developing parenting skills (especially following separation and divorce) so that they can make contact visits meaningful.

They are an important target group, and research indicates that fathers make important contributions to their children's well-being and development.

While some men are able to express emotions, and to be actively involved in their children's lives, others need considerable support and encouragement if they are to do so.

The challenge for service providers is to attract, engage and retain men so that they are provided with the information and support to enable them to make any necessary changes in their family relationships. Engaging men in these programs may provide the support needed to ensure that they maintain meaningful contact with their children.

Suggestions for attracting men to groups

• Adapt ideas from the marketing section
• Use single-night session format, with a range of options for other ongoing self-contained sessions
• Use a single-gender focus (some men feel more comfortable talking about their feelings with other men)
• Offer sessions to include both genders and have sub-group discussions in single-gender groups
• Note that venue and times need to be taken into account when planning for men
• Look for a community venue likely to make men feel comfortable, for example, sporting venues, clubs (not venues where women are seen as gatekeepers)
• Network with other local organisations that are already working with men and offer courses on their premises
• Collaborate with these organisations to develop joint programs (for example, offer to provide a session or two on relevant topics to another organiser's existing program).

Strategies for engaging men in groups

(Many of these also apply to women)

• Have a male facilitator or co-facilitator (male and female leaders can model positive ways of working together)
• Use task-focused, problem-solving activities
• Focus on men's strengths in working within task-focused and problem-solving approaches
• Build on these strengths through specific tasks, focusing on the present
• Acknowledge gender difference in learning styles
• Acknowledge that prevalent social messages encourage men to take on fairly traditional, stereotypical male roles and behaviors
• Encourage fathers who are seeking more contact with their children to do so
• Articulate the importance of fathers being involved with their children
• Acknowledge that feeling daunted and discouraged from time-to-time, is understandable and normal
• Offer hope and encouragement
• Acknowledge the social constraints that have limited many men in developing skills to respond to their own and other's emotions
• Developing a safe group environment which gives men permission to challenge dominant ways of being male
• Encourage men to discover their own ways to be a man, a dad, a partner
• Offer opportunities to develop fathering skills
• Take a non-judgmental approach to both men and women, in terms of acknowledging legal and social realities
• Affirm fathers who are assuming their parenting responsibilities
• Offer concrete strategies for dealing with 'unfinished business', (for example, suggest that the parenting relationship between ex-partners is a business partnership, in the best interests of the children)
• Acknowledge the strengths of traditional roles for men and women as 'tool kits' from which to draw flexibly, as men and women now take on aspects of both roles
• Encourage movement from an ownership model of parenting children, towards responsible parenting, which focuses on caring for children
• Accept expressions of powerlessness and anger as valid feelings
• Focus on parenting situations where fathers have some control, for example, when their children are with them
• Try to use metaphors which men will identify with. These may reflect men's language, culture, sport or work. For example, taking responsibility for one's own emotions could be 'not dropping the ball', taking time out when angry, rather than reacting aggressively or abusively, could be described as 'letting it go through to the keeper'.
• The 'company merger' has parallels with repartnering. Questions like:Who will be in charge? What will my position be? will the culture change? Will it be a takeover? Will it work? Note: this metaphor needs to be used sensitively so it does not reinforce patriarchal attitudes and behaviors
• Acknowledge that some men may have had little experience in group work, and may not be comfortable in discussing their issues outside of their family
• Acknowledge men's courage in being prepared to discuss issues
• Ask men what exercises they are comfortable with (for example, role playing, discussion)
• Give men choices in activities
• Be conscious and careful of program content and structure, to take account of the fact that men tend to be oral/visual learners and may get less from written materials
• Do not assume good literacy skills in all groups
• Combine discussion with active use of visual resources
• Use task-focused, problem-solving activities (brainstorming, suggestion circle) rather than open-ended discussion of feelings. Use the group to help you provide practical ideas and skills.
• Value the role of the parent who has ongoing responsibility for child support and emphasise the importance of financial and emotional support to the person in this role
• Acknowledge that parenting at a distance carries with it feelings of loss
• Note Amato's (1998) concept of 'healthy authoritative parenting' which combines a high level of parental support to children (warmth, responsiveness, everyday assistance) combined with non-coercive, rule-setting and appropriate discipline
• Teach and model respectful negotiating and conflict resolution skills
• Refer fathers to skill-building and advocacy programs which support these approaches (for example, men's support groups, play groups for fathers and their children, counselling and support programs that demystify Family Court procedures around contact, residency and parenting orders, and men's anger management programs)
• Ensure confidentiality and safety.

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