Handout 26
Parenting roles in the repartnered family in repartnered families
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1. As the parenting team in your repartnered family, get together often as a couple to talk about child-rearing values and practices.
2. The biological parent needs to support the step- parent's authority in front of the children and have discussions or disagreements as a couple in private.
3. Step-parents need to avoid the disciplinary role initially, while their relationship with their stepchildren is developing.
4. Adults need to stop and reflect (in relation to children's behaviour). Step- parent needs to ask self 'Does it really matter?' Biological parent needs to ask: 'Am I being too accommodating?'
5. Don't expect the feelings for your stepchildren to be the same as the feelings you have for your own children. Remember emotional bonds can take a long time to develop.
6. Spend time alone with your stepchildren. This can often be quality time because there is no competition for the biological parent's attention. However also be ready to accept it if the children are not ready for this.
7. Remind the child that their parent still loves them, regardless of the new couple relationship.
8. Attempt to be a good role model whether the stepchildren appear to accept your values or not. They will benefit in the long run.
9. The step-parent is encouraged to separate their own sense of self- esteem from what they sometimes perceive to be the children's negative perceptions of them.
10. Explore, as a step-parent, the myriad of roles you can take with your stepchildren. For example: friend, confidante, mentor etc, rather than attempting to take on the role of a biological parent. (Webber 1994)
11. Step-parents need to decide how involved they want to be and how much responsibility they want to take with the children. They also need to be encouraged to maintain interests apart from the repartnered family life.
12. Be patient, remember it takes time to make a repartnered family work and often takes at least two years for individuals to feel comfortable.
Gerrard, I., and Howden, M., Making Stepfamilies Work - A Course for Couples, Stepfamily Association of Victoria Inc., 1998, Melbourne.