Handout 23
Guidelines for family meetings
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| Have a special box for family members to place written grievances and ideas for family activities. Call a meeting when there are several slips in the box. OR Set aside a regular time each week for all members to meet together to talk. OR Let it be known that any family member can ask for a meeting when they think it necessary. |
Plan a specific amount of time (20 or 30 minutes), depending on the age of the children.
Rules
The feelings of every family member count equally, regardless of age.
Feelings are accepted, not judged as right or wrong.
Accusations are not allowed.
Encourage 'I' messages rather than 'you' messages.
Complaints should be discussed with everyone present. A complaint about an individual may not be made if that person is not present.
Use problem-solving to formulate the best solution (For example, who should pick up a child from school or after school events).
End the meeting with positive and encouraging comments. (For example,'I really liked the way you were able to hear me out when I spoke about that touchy subject'.)
Guidelines for family meetings
Rotate the responsibility for leading the meetings so that all family members have a turn.
Ensure that meetings are not just gripe sessions. Allow time for positives and compliments as well as complaints.
Decide on household chores. Have everyone make a list and discuss how these are to be shared fairly.
Meetings allow for everyone to bring up issues (not just adults).
Having an agenda ensures that everyone is encouraged to raise issues.
Use this time to arrange for fun family activities so that it is also seen as a planning time.
Adapted from: Visher, E., and Visher, J., How to Win as a Stepfamily.