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Building self-confidence

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It is your job to build your own confidence.
You cannot rely on others to do it for you.
You are you, regardless of what you achieve, own or say.
Accept yourself because you exist. It is not selfish to be self-thinking.

Getting yourself organised:

Self-talk

Separate 'What I am' from 'What I do'
e.g.
I am stupid to what I did was stupid
I am a failure to I failed at this
I am tactless to what I said was tactless

Work out what 'ought' and 'should' demand me to do, and replace them with a helpful alternative.
e.g. Change
'I ought to be able to do this faster' to
'it would be helpful to me if I could do this faster, but it's not a disaster if I don't'.
Self-praise

'I did that well'
'I'm pleased with the way I did that'
'I didn't do so well, but it was a good try'
'I did the best I could'
Self-encouragement - brag a bit

When feeling discouraged, stop and work out what discouraging things you are saying to yourself, and choose a healthier alternative.

e.g. Change 'I'll never be able to manage' to 'I'll give it a go and see'. Often we notice the weaknesses in ourselves. We often do not notice our strengths. Celebrating your good qualities will allow you to look at your other qualities less critically.

Getting into action:

  • Develop reasonable and achievable goals to avoid setting yourself up for failure.
  • Have some goals and interests that are for you, apart from the children and work.
  • Don't accept other's opinions without questioning whether they are reasonable.
  • Listen when people compliment you, without relying on it to feel okay.
  • Make time for yourself. Give yourself permission to relax.
  • Do something you really like doing, rather than putting it off.
  • Allow yourself to explore new areas.
  • Make times when you can talk to someone about your thoughts and feelings.
  • Enjoy your achievements!

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